Saturday, January 24, 2009

MY FOOT'S ON FIRE...HELP!

Confident as Iwas, I head through the lobby to our next class, with my nose up on the air. Anyone who would see me would apparently deem me as proud- an ugly looking proud man.
It was my report. Iwas confident- absolutely confident. Who would not be confident when I have read my report five times. That was quite a mind-boggling report but I was able to comprehend it after reading it in to-to, and that 's what made me proud- as proud as Iam when I am praised by my teachers and classmates on my previous reports.(I am not bragging in here.)
It was a great day. The weather didn't signal any bad omen except that it was extremely hot. But the scorching sun was even more provoking my excitement. I am excited to render my classmates and most especially my pet professor, the report that I have long prepared. Finally this is the moment.
Painted in pale blue, the classroom seemed to have cool and embracing ambience-"a perfect setting to deliver my speech", I thought.
I started my report without my professor's presence (she was still on a meeting). Everything went well when I started speaking. I didn't even feel the lurking fright on one of my petty nerves which would soon destroy my precious day.
A couple of minutes later my professor arrived. I don't know why, but when I caught sight of her, a sudden rush of fright lunged into my whole nerves which subsequently ousted all the confidence in me. When I started speaking, with my professor already seated on one the chairs beside my classmate, I began to stutter. My voice seemed to fade as if something gagged me. I became concious on the things I uttered. I was afraid my professor would oppose . I even groped for the simpliest word such as 'thing', 'particular', and 'explanation'. I committed umpteen grammatical errors. I was overwhelmed by my intimidation towards my teacher. My classmates began to laugh at my actuations, which made the situatioin even worse. I was overwhelmed by the thought of finishing my report and drop the course afterwhich.
That was a total disaster. That was actually my third time feeling like that (always on my favorite professors) but the recent was the worst. I feel like a fool. I feel like an idiot. I feel like a moron.
My day was totally wrecked. I tried to be okey as if nothing was inside me. But immense pain was already inflicted on my mind and heart. I was absolutely embarassed. I was totally frustrated. Until now I still slap my face and let out a bawl whenever it emerges on my mind.
This is not letting out what I feel. I dont know what to do I can't handle this feeling. I may hide this in front of my classmates and just project a bogus smile. But I feel that all people were already mocking at me. I'm afraid to cry- the more they'll laugh at me. It's driving me crazy. Suicide always appears on my mind. How can I eradicate this feelings and thoughts in me.
I need help!

2 comments:

BaNg! said...

TSk3x.. Sugod pa Lang.. na-amaze na ko!
Not to flatter, but you really are a good writer!
sunod na ko basa tiwas ha!

BaNg! said...

'nahan ko anang imo quote below ur pic!
'gez, to summarize, it'd be giving people the benefit of their doubts